Marriage after baby
I hear so many people say that babies change your relationship for the worse. But does it really? I think so many couples get caught up in the negative aspects of being a new parent that they forget why and how they got to that point in the first place.
Sedat and I never planned our baby. We both knew we wanted one and since we were legally married a year already before we had a wedding, we didn't really care what happened. The idea was that no matter what situation we were in, we would never actually be "ready" for a baby. Let's be real—no amount of advice and books prepares you to be a parent.
And so I found out I was pregnant and immediately I panicked. We were not in an ideal situation—we didn't even have our own place and nor were we financially well off. I was thinking of changing careers and Sedat was still in school. Our marriage, naturally, did take a turn before even our son was born.
While Sedat worked his butt off, I sat at home cursing myself, knowing that nobody would hire me in the "condition" I was in. Whoever said discrimination against pregnancy is illegal clearly doesn't know how the real world works. It is out there in full force and unfortunately I've experienced it first hand. Needless to say, I respected and resented him for doing something with himself while I lugged around the house gaining weight and feeling useless. It was TOUGH, we saw each other only in bed and barely spent time together. And it was going to get tougher once Atlas arrived.
Fast forward 11 months and here we are with our beautiful son. We still don't get sleep and snap at each other every now and then. We struggle to make time for ourselves and yet alone as a couple. I ugly cry at least few times a week and wish I was working while Sedat is home all day with Atlas. Conversely, Sedat gets upset that I'm home all day and take naps while our baby sleeps.
But here is the truth, we know this is temporary. We put our baby to sleep and cuddle on the couch together while attempting to watch a movie. I make his morning coffee while he rocks Atlas, and he still to this day makes me breakfast (on our vows at a later post?). He calls off work just so we can take naps together. And at the end of the day, we apologize for being a sleep deprived asshole and kiss each other good night.
Yes, marriage does change after your baby. We no longer get up and go to the movies and try different beers at a new pub for happy hour. He doesn't play as much guitar as he would like, and I don't get to bake and do yoga like I used to. But these moments are what makes it all real and so worth it. I think it's so so important to not get caught up in the negative parts and focus on what makes your relationship unique in the first place.
Sedat and I have come a long way from being apart across oceans to finally being hand in hand. When I think of our challenges from few years ago, what we're experiencing now seems like a breeze (sometimes!). And you know what's the best part? Still being able to dream together about how our future house will be and what we might name our second child..