Trying for Baby 2
It’s been six months now with no positive pregnancy test. We’ve been hoping and praying for a second child but nothing is happening as of yet. After so many failed attempts, I’ve been thinking naturally if there is something wrong with me, or with Sedat, or you know our life in general. Is it stress? Is it what I’m eating, is it what he’s eating? Should we cut out caffeine? So many questions with no concrete answers. I know that I don’t want to go for IVF/IUI, that maybe we just need to channel more energy in ourselves as individuals. We’ve been so busy nurturing Atlas, working full time, taking care of our two doggies, helping out my mom when necessary etc etc & it all adds up. The clock hits 9pm and I want to be in bed, but I can’t- It’s the only time I get to edit my photos and focus on Photoshop in peace.
Regardless, I know that the path I’m on is one that I’m choosing and not what I feel forced to do. In that sense, I seem to be fine. I’m creating things that I love, being there for Atlas and for my family, creating memories and making sure he’s learning and growing and most importantly, safe and sound.
But it hurts. It hurts to see pregnant women, it hurts to hear that a friend is expecting, and I cannot help but feel this remorse in my heart. Not towards them, but for myself because that is what I long to be. I want to grow another and give Atlas the gift of a sibling. Until then, we will keep trying till the stars align. Now I know why people say “For this child I have prayed.” That is all we can do.